Today's edition of the five threads you'll find on etsy is the "Preference Off". Someone starts a thread talking about how they want free stuff, thank you cards, and sensual gratification from sellers. Then everyone jumps in talking all about how they include tons of free stuff, ten thank you notes in every order, and drive personally to your house and give you a full menu of 'services'.

Every package is supposed to be filled with fairy dust and make you the life long friend of the recipient. These threads fill the newbies with fear- will they not make any sales if they do a hard analysis of time and money and say "hey, I'm not putting $50 worth of free stuff in a $5 sale?" and the crusty business people with laughter as they reflect on the unsustainability of writing 60 personal thank you notes a day.

I'm in the middle. Personally, I'm a cold cold person. I buy from you because I want your stuff. I get annoyed when the nosy folks at the bank ask after how I'm doing in school, what religion my dad is, and how my aunt is doing lately. I would rather not get into long conversations with the check out girl in Krogers either. I shop online because I want to get stuff in the mail quickly. I don't want to be the friend of the person I buy from.